If you consider that the modern toilet paper was first introduced in 1857, the whole butt wipe thing is waaay due for a major advance.
Ancient Romans used to wipe their butts after going to the bathroom with a sponge on a stick (which they put in a bucket of saltwater after they're done for reuse - Eew!) - so, in a nod to history, here's Comfort Wipe: a stick that lets you wipe your behind without ever coming close to touching it with your bare hands.
Now, before you recoil in horror, consider that this invention is actually quite useful for people with limited range of motion due to disability. Hit play or go to Link [YouTube] - via AdFreak
Bravo on the Simpsons reference. ;)