The Chainsaw Bayonet

Small pop-top cans of Armour's "Pork Brains in Milk Gravy", thrown grenade style. They'll stop to lap it up -- then the toxic levels of sodium will dehydrate them to a little heap of powder.

Besides the time and tested chainsaw and machete combo I would carry a spray can of WD40 and a lighter. Toasty! ;)

That looks like a great way to lose some toes.

Cricket Bat

Shotgun, of course!

Fisticuffs >:D

The Shawn of the Dead reference was good.

smfr: Like the old proverb says, a redneck and his limbs are soon parted.

Alex: I don't want to get so close to a zombie as to be within shotgunning range.

In my experience, there's a 'sweet spot' in zombie hunting. With a good rifle, you're more likely to pop a skull at 50 yards than you are at 10 because the stress of being so close to a zombie (i.e. within head shot range for a shotgun) causes a hunter to flinch and miss.

Anyone play videogames?

Because this is basically a Lancer from Gears of War 1 and 2.

And I wouldn't kill zombies. They might have little baby zombies at home.

That's the same thing I thought of when I saw this post Jake

For melee, I'd use a studded war mace. It's nice because it can smash skulls or legs with ease, and won't get stuck in the skull.

For long range, a .308 is best. It'll do the job of popping skulls, and the ammo is a common NATO round. Super easy to find.

Jake D.

I'm glad I'm not the only one here who has played Gears of War.

I own one of these. I keep it on a ten foot pole. It is usually used for lopping off high limbs. In case of a zombie attack, I swing it in an arc.

A well-made crossbow with explosive-tipped bolts. A longbow with explosive-tipped arrows as backup. A flare gun, for festively lighting up the undead after sunset. And for those really nasty situations, a Desert Eagle hand cannon with phosphor rounds. Fire gooooood...

Or there's the ballista my Dad made out of a VW Bug's leaf spring once. I'm sure that combining that with some appropriately incendiary ammunition would make for a great crowd-clearer...

--TwoDragons

Re: shotgun - ah, but if you were close to zombies, a shotgun is far more useful than a rifle. First of all, you don't have to aim, and second, it can get multiple zombies at one time.

Alex, if you want a headshot, you always have to aim. And only headshots kill zombies. You've got, like, a Ph.D. in biology, right? Wasn't basic zombie biology part of the curriculum?

Lawnmower.

If your wanting practical solutions then Tom has it right, although I'd go with good running shoes in place of a war mace.

The AA12 automatic shotgun...don't need to be in close range for this baby to be effective...

Here be a link...

John: One does have to aim to get a headshot, but it is easier to get a headshot when you've got spread...

Speaking as a LumberJill...he is Terrible with that chainsaw!...Almost got his own foot, and didn't brace at all. I agree with smfr...it is the perfect way to lose some toes. Hope he doesn't need those!

I prefer the Compound Bow for silent long distant shooting. Crossbows are always nice as well, but I'm not sure how to use one. Sniper Rifle's nice as well, perhaps a .44? Up close and personal though. . . A sawed off shot gun. I'd panic once they got close, if the spray can take them down I can finish them off with a trusty crowbar or spade. :D Don;t discount basic gardening tools in the fight against the undead! those things have nasty edges. . . .

Ah, but you don't always have to kill zombies - sometimes you just have to slow 'em down so you can make a hasty retreat ;)

Stick with me when the undead rise, John, and I'll save your heiny with my trusty (yet to be acquired) shotgun.

PS I got all my shootin' training on Duck Hunt, so I should be ready to go!

Your training shows Alex. It's a myth that shotguns have to be aimed. At the effective range of shotguns, the spread is still fairly small. Small spread is what makes them devastating, and aiming necessary. Using 00 buckshot, seemingly the choice for defensive rounds, the spread at 30 feet is around 10 inches. Take a look at the following link for some interesting info. The site also has other "tests" that are interesting and usually entertaining.

http://www.theboxotruth.com/docs/bot42.htm

Later,
Chrome...

Is a Phalanx CIWS allowed? In case you have a freaking lot of zombies...

ITS A LANCER FROM GEARS OF WAR!~

So, do you nessecarily become a zombie if you eat a zombie's brain? The previous post regarding frightening physicians has icepick lobotomy on my mind, which tends to make me hungry.

You're all wrong. To kill a zombie, all you need to do is feed it sarcasm and snarkage until it laughs itself to death. Guns, so uncivilized.

I like the standard M41-A Pulse Rifle. Or a nuke from the Sulaco, its the only way to be sure.
Hey, if its good on xenomorphs, its good on zombies.

Ok, so obviously most of you haven't read any Max Brooks.
You NEVER want to be close enough for a shotgun to be effective, and even then, you'd be better off with a well sharpened and maintained machete.

as for a primary weapon you would either want a solid bolt action rifle.
or some sort of semi-auto.
you want something with a decent amount of accuracy, and good range, ideally with ammo that is easy to find or create.

also rifles (especially old bolt action) are easier to maintain, to find, and to find ammo for.
they also make you take time with each shot thereby increasing the odds of a headshot.

if you cant get a machete or a rifle, settle for a solid handgun, and either a large hammer or a crowbar.
maces aren't that great as you want something that will penetrate the skull, not just hit it.
penetrating the skull guarantees a kill.

If ammo availability is going to be a concern, I'd say go with something that's readily common in your area. A 9mm pistol and a 12 gauge shotgun are a pretty good zombie fighting combination. I'd go with a beretta CX4, which is a carbine rifle that can shoot 9mm betetta pistol magazines. that way you've got two weapons, but only one kind of ammo and the mags are interchangable. That, and a shotgun. You're going to have to kill a lot of zombies before you find yourself in an undead-slaying scenario where a shotgun isn't damn handy.

also bows and crossbows should be generally avoided as they require way to much skill for a headshot on a moving target.
also, incendiaries are no good, because they often just create a flaming zombie.
nothing worse than realizing that not only is that zombie still coming, but now he's on fire.

id still rather have a handgun or a melee weapon over a shotgun, they're very effective against humans, not so much against zombies.
they do have temporary stopping power for an escape, but thats about it.

I'm all for simplicity and fewest moving parts. Machete/bayonet, 9mm or .45 semiautomatic pistol (though I'd also want a .357 Magnum just in case - harder to load quickly, but practically guaranteed never to jam), hunting rifle (know little about these, so something common and easy to use/clean and keep loaded), and a trusty shotgun as a backup. Just in case. Or, perhaps even better, a Judge -- revolver that shoots .410 shotgun shells. Just know that when you get down to that one, you're almost screwed.

Hmmm, cant believe someone hasnt suggested it yet, but how about an AK47. Reliable, rugged and the 7.62 round is also very common, most contries have huge stockpiles of 7.62. Only problem to the man on the street would be getting hold of one... Other than that, the 12g shotgun + 9mm is a very good combo.

My weapon of choice would be to find a pub with heavy doors, small windows and hand-drawn beers. Then wait until order is restored. Have I already got one in mind. You betcha. Am I telling you. No way. It only has so many packets of peanuts in stock.

I'm with Max Brooks on this one.

Ideal set up is a 22 rimfire carbine, a well maintained 3 foot machete and a titanium crow bar.

And get your hair cut.

Running away and hiding.

shotguns are nearly useless against Zack, you have to kill the brain, you might blow him in half with a shot gun, but the top half is now down crawling through the long grass and is still coming for you.

I wrap my head in dirty socks to mask the smell of my brains. It also helps to bathe in Gatorade so your whole body smells like death. Zombies won't touch you after that.

Well since weapons aren't as easy to come by here as in the u.s. I'd steal a van, rob the nearest store for food supplies and immense amounts of beer. Drive to the harbour, steal a smallish boat I know I'd be able to steer. Then sail out about a km. so I could keep an eye on the shore and stay there until I was out of supplies.
If there's still zombies when I return, the world will probably have ended. So again I'd make a run for the nearest store, clobber advancing zombies with my huge, empty beerbottle collection, get pissed on whatever I could find, and die happy.

I with Max Brooks, Id want a gun, although I dont remember what type.

A 22 carbine, of course, and some sort of axe or machete. But, I'd also put together a cattle-shoot system that ended in either an industrial plastic shredder or a series of ditch witches (think super chainsaws built for digging trenches). Either way, I'd commandeer one of the borough's dump or trash trucks and slowly circle the neighborhood (the missus would have to drive) pick off the zombie neighbors before they got to be too much of a hassle.

Just think, folks, the problem would go away quickly if we all pitched in early instead of boarding ourselves into our own personal death traps to await the overwhelming hordes. Think globally, decapitate locally. It takes a village.

wow, commenters love zombie defense

my preferred weapon? a winter coat
zombies don't do well in the cold

nice weapon but very deadly I never like chainsaws because you could accidentally cut of your own leg when you misuse it

I'm not sure how many of you have actually fired any of the weapons mentioned, but when I ponder the inevitable zombie apocalypse, I think of what kind of weapons that I have in my own home.

My work bench would be my first stop.

#1: Crowbar: practical, sturdy, and great reload times.
Not recommended for smaller folks; your arm would die after just a few minutes of swinging.

#2: One piece hatchet: good for smaller folks and the ladies. Light weight, but still splits a skull nicely.

#3: Assorted hammers: cheap, easy to come by and easy to wield.

#4: Gardening tools (pitch fork, rake, garden weasel, etc): something with a bit of "reach" is essential. Keep your distance (but don't look like you're keeping your distance).

When the inevitable zombie apocalypse comes you won't have time to go shopping for guns 'n' ammo or take shooting lessons. Using tools that you are familiar with is more likely going to help you survive than trying to learn how to turn off the safety on your new 9mm automatic!

Of course the best weapon of all is Old Jack Frost.

Live in the north and go about at your leisure killing the frozen Zombies.

Either that or all go to the Winchester in Crouch End, have a lovely pint and wait for it all to blow over.

I'd get a motorcycle helmet, and duct tape wicked knives onto my hands. I probably wouldn't last 2 minutes against the horde, but I'll be the most badass zombie ever...KNIFE HAND ZOMBIE!!!

P.S. me at the last zombie walk

http://www.facebook.com/photos.php?id=548780110#/photo.php?pid=4551380&id=548780110

I meant

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=4551380&l=14532&id=548780110

I'd go for a bush Axe. They're pretty much built for lopping off heads from beyond an arm's reach.

I'm a machete girl. You've got to lob their heads off, people! I'm too small to operate a power tool or automatic weapon with any degree of accuracy but I can sure as heck swing machetes with the best of them. Meet ya back at the Winchester.

jakefreekinsmith, A bolt action rifle is also great because with automatic feed guns have the chance to jam.

NyQuil_Driver, Sweet! A modern day glaive!

I am very partial to axes myself though.

^you can't just lob the head off the mouth can still bite. Go for the brain.

You call yourselves Max Brooks fans, I'd get a LOBO, best short range weapon. 22 carbine and a 22 pistol are the best because the ammo is everywhere and lightweight. and both will work in each weapon. You also need a Geared bike with a trailer.

want cool zombie gear go to www.cafepress.com/annozomini

I would simply use my vast psycho kinetic powers to explode their zombie heads.

You mortals and your crude weapons. pffft!

Destroy them? Why? I'll just use my Dark Necromancy powers to control them! Bwa ha ha ha ha!!

http://zombietools.net/

just remember this...they are beautiful

Crossfire Llc.12ga. / 5.56mm over-under.
Takes M16 magazines for semiauto fun,
12ga pump with 00 buck for close-in fire support.

A 12 pound Mountain Howitzer cannon using a canister shell consisting of 148 .69 cal lead musket balls. A very effective Civil War weapon used against attacking soldiers. Build your own at: /www.buckstix.com/howitzer.htm

a howitzer?
that a terrible idea, thats just gonna leave the zombies in pieces but still biting and still coming.

and whoever suggested the AK-47, bad idea, sure they dont jam and the ammo is common, but they have terrible accuracy and they are LOUD AS FUCK.

also a LOBO would be nice, but unfortunately, being that world war Z is a work of fiction, LOBOs do not actually exist.

I'll stick to my bolt action, my handgun, and my machete.

you ever want tons of zombie survival gear, just find your nearest boy scout camp.

i think use shotgun is better choice,
thanks

Yes, people, World War Z is a work of FICTION, so please, in the future, keep your discussions about what you would do in the case of a ZOMBIE ATTACK based solidly in reality. We don't need whipper-snappers like you talking about crap that doesn't exist when discussing zombies. Thank you.

Can't go wrong with a good sword (or edged weapon of choice) and some decent running shoes that will stand up to the fall of civilization. You guys are going to be out making tons of noise going full auto all night long and thus drawing the zombies to you while I'm out chopping open heads quietly with a weapon that makes no noise, never needs reloading, has no moving parts to need repair and can be used in a variety of ways for a vast variety of other uses.

Make all the noise you want and get weighed down by heavy gear, that's exactly what they want you to do.

I also agree with whoever said to go north.
cold works so well.

And yes, obviously zombies aren't real, but I was under the assumption we were discussing what to against them using things that already exist.
If we're not, then I want all of jean grey and magneto's powers from X men, as well as the ability to stop time and teleport, and explode heads.

Ny-Quil

that Briar cutter looks to be the best all round option

A machete on a 3 foot handle, nice.

there are things in life that are just simply true. Assault rifles and the like are not the best bet when dealing with the undead and dogs can't look up.

Machete. Or a meat cleaver on a stick.
Shotgun. Sawed off with pistol grip.
Handgun. Standard police-issue .38 will do, but I'd prepare a few hundred rounds beforehand drilling out the tip, filling with mercury and capping with wax.
Actually that's an urban legend, but we ARE talking zombies here...
If I had a choice of military arms, I'd go with the M4 SOPMOD. Google it.

Ruger Mini-14. Uses easy to find .223 Remington/5.56mm Nato ammo, available in every sporting goods store, gun shop, and National Guard Armory in the US. Extended magazines are widely available (until the Assault Weapons Ban 2.0 goes into effect) as are numerous accessories, like bayonet lugs, laser sights, etc. You can trick it out as much as you want, really. Keep the original wood stock though, as it makes a great bludgeon for those times the ammo is low and Zed is at your door.

I'm with Nick on this one... Cricket bat and maybe some records.

Or better yet, a shotgun with incendiary shells. Well, you'd need a couple shotguns, considering the damage the rounds would do to the barrel...

Actually, you are all wrong. The best anti-zombie weapon out there is Paris Hilton.

Reminds me of a weapon from one of the Drednoks characters in GI Joe

NUKES!! Of course!

Hmmm what would I fight off a zombie horde with? I think I would prefer one of those military grade shotguns that carry a bunch of shells in clips. I prefer engaging my zombies from a safe distance, but I doubt I will be able to stay accurate enough to use a rifle when the zombie horde is marching towards me.

However if they are the terrifying running zombies (28 days later), I think I would prefer something quieter that wouldn't attract their attention. Maybe a repeating crossbow.

Justin makes a very important point.

Call em Ghouls call em the Undead call him Zack.

The Zombie is a slow shambling monstrosity.

Those running guys from 28 days later are not Zack.

They are alive, as you can see by them starving to death at the end of the flick.

Rob #64

Ooh that is exactly the puppy.

And a bicycle for a swift get away.

A oil sprayer and a flamethrower for sure, you know the old saying! "Light a zombie a fire, and he will be warm for a day, light a zombie ON fire, and he is warm, for a lifetime" :D maybe some nice throwing knives or something too... or even a minigun and a nice chopper... or maybe just a chopper for a getaway.... definateley NOT the flamethrower in the chopper though

Looking over the comments I'm amazed by the amount of times our Neatorama readers contemplate how to dismember a zombie. If there is ever a zombie apocalypse I'll be glad to have any of you beside me in a fight. :D

Or you can use the new Zombie BBQ™
Simply spray oil over infected area,
light it on fire, then the infection is clear!

BTW about the flamethrower ammo, just use a gas can or something.

A Lobo is real if you know how to make one.

has access to a forge and an anvil.

Thee only thing worse then undead hordes trying to eat your brain is undead hordes trying to eat your brain WHILE ON FIRE!

Wow seriously bad ideas in this tread. Max Brooks FTW.

As Max Brooks points out, machetes never need reloading.

You know in all of this hypothetical nonsense, noone mentions the ever handy, always deadly light saber. Like a sword but way f'ing cooler. Combine that with some Jedi mind tricks and whammy, you're out the door before the undead even know you were there.

A sword, not to long, double edged a must.

Guns only bring attention, swords remove heads with deft silence.

I have an assignment to everyone here who suggested that a 12 ga shotgun would be the best weapon period: Go to the store and find a box of 100 12 ga shotshells and just pick it up. Weighs a bit doesn't it? 100 rounds is a few hours of skeet shooting, you'll need to carry a lot more if you want to fight zombies. Second, most models of shotguns have a tube magazine where you must load it 1 shell at a time, where most magazines hold 4 and depending on the model up to 8 in the tube. I don't know about you but I don't want to have to insert each round one-by-one every 5 shots when I have a swarm of zombies after me.

So keep the shotgun at home for hunting, which you'll be doing a lot of in a post apocalyptic world.

Here are some things you might actually want:

.38/357 lever action rifle, +1 if you can get a matching revolver as a backup. If you jam a revolver you've messed it up anyway.

a good .22 caliber magnum rifle

SKS: durable, ammo is pretty easy to get, and with stripper clips you can reload them pretty fast.

Old surplus bolt action rifles: Mosin-Nagant, Enfield, K98, and 1903 Springfield are all very reliable and accurate for medium to long range shooting and ammo is readily available for all of them. Although I mentioned Bolt-action the M1 Garand is also a great gun.

P.S. chainsaws are in infection hazard as they will spray zombie goo all over you, do you really want that?

STORMY

nice.

No to flame throwers, flames mean nothign to Zeds, they just set fire to you yours and your stuff.

And as for proper double edged swords....well if you seriously know what you are doign I suppose so, but most folk would be content with an over arm chop to the noggin with a machete.

Z doesn't try to hide,nor defend itself, you don't need to be a super swordsman. And besides if you cut of a Ghouls head....the head is now in the long grass like rat trap waiting to go off.

Perhaps not now, in the heat of battle but say in 4 years when the first post WWZ kids are allowed to play in the meadow.Kids love ruinnig bare foot in the grass.....SNAP!

Are you going to be the one to put little Jenny down?

This has been a public information film from the dept for biohazard hygiene.

As you were.

And because knowledge is power

http://www.ehow.com/how_2294133_make-lobo.html

build yourselves a Lobo.

what about throwing knives? (knives are everywhere, so even if they do miss. you can easily get more!) or maybe a rly long spear like thing... try the museum of ancient history os something (its not illegal if its the apocalypse, otherwise dont try it) to kill them before they can touch you. or maybe go to the airport and try to fly away (if you can). or maybe a good old ghost rifle (from SC) target a nuke then get the heck outta there

if i were to seriously have to pick a weapon I'd probably go to Metal Supermarkets and grab a 3/4" x 10' aluminum rod and taper the last 6" down to a point. This would make for a very reliable weapon that would be easy to sharpen, durable, and effective.

Distance is very important and so is weight. It wouldn't be any good in close quarters but everybody knows better than to go into small areas when zombies are around.

linty

sharpen both ends.

I know, I( am totally obsessing on this thread.

Sorry I love Z movies.

actually, if you end up getting bitten, charge into the horde and chop them apart, ur gonna die anyway, so might as well DIE not become a zombie, better dead than undead

Pol x

That's actually a really good idea! Here we are talking about surviving a zombie apocalypse and I get stuck on conventions like "spears should only have one point".

also, defense, wrap urself up in some sort of material that wont hinder your movement too much, cut out eye and mouth holes, and voila! ur harder to bite

howitzer

For LOBOs, see a Shaolin Spade.
AND WHO KEEPS SUGGESTING NUKES?????
DO YOU WANT RADIOACTIVE ZOMBIES?

For the zombies you're talking about, I'd probably go with a Glock 9mm w/ 33 round clip, a Winchester .30-.30 since the ammo is really common (besides, it's FUN to shoot), a Shaolin Spade or Ninjato... and a HK417 (for way long range if i could get my hands on a military rifle), and if not that, a SL8-6 with wood-lined stock and extended mag, since they fire .223 Remington OR 5.56x45mm NATO. A little much to carry, but the SL8's only for long distances.

Oh, yeah, and all with silencers and flash suppressors.