Don't mess with Joe Weston-Webb's business! He's devised what is probably the ultimate anti-burglar system after being targeted by vandalism, break-ins, and even arson:
Every night Joe Weston-Webb loads chicken droppings into a 30ft catapult and primes a cannon that used to fire his wife with a railway sleeper, all in the name of security.
The police aren't amused:
... police have told him he will be prosecuted if he unleashes the wrath of the 30ft-tall Roman catapult - filled with chicken poo collected from a nearby farm - on any yobs he catches on his property.
The businessman has even put up a sign outside his property reading: "WARNING. These premises are protected by Smart Poo and railway sleeper projectiles."
Mr Weston-Webb vowed to ignore the warning - and said his battle highlighted the plight of worried home-owners across the country.
"and primes a cannon that used to fire his wife with a railway sleeper".
I *think* he is using a former circus cannon (formerly used to launch his wife it turns out) to shoot railroad ties (the wooden timbers the rails are laid upon) at the perps. Yow.
Can a U.K. reader verify my interpretation? Getting hit with a railroad tie is gonna hurt!
BTW - It looks like a trebuchet rather than a catalpult... You can see the drop weight suspended on one end of the arm. But I'm just being persnickety :-)
What an idiot.
At least it's not as bad as I first thought...that the catapult contained his own poo.
Now that would be a deterrent.
He is Truely "Bowling Alone in America"
He now has no friends.
What a pitiful human.
Sad rotter.