The following article is from the Annals of Improbable Research.
by Marina Tsipis, Improbable Research staff
In one productive year, George Knauer III filed these two patent applications. (Thanks to Martin Meder for bringing Mr. Knaur's work this to our attention.) So far as we have determined, they are the only patent applications Mr. Knauer ever filed:
"Process of Love," U.S. patent application 10/073093, filed February 12, 2002.
"Process of Reincarnation," U.S. patent application 10/035947, filed July 8, 2002.
Here are both applications, reproduced in their entirety:
Enter the Rival, Reed
Five years later, a rival inventor, Larry Keith Reed, filed a patent for his own, different approach to the reincarnation problem. So far as we have determined, this is the only patent application Mr. Reed ever filed:
"Sustaining and Prolonging Life Without Dying, Death, Torture, Reincarnation, or Being Reborn in the Flesh," U.S. patent application 20090105616, filed Oct 17, 2007.
Mr. Reed explains:
The present invention relates generally to a unique new method and cloth devise to manipulate the bones and muscles with the human body unlike never before discovered or approved. The main advantages of my new invention when used in combination with a cloth devise is the ability to maneuver and align the surrounding tissue and muscles around the bones within the head, neck, shoulders, rib cage, spinal cord, circulatory system, and spinal column, etc.! Furthermore, when my invention is combined with a licensed Magnetic Resonance Imaging or X-Ray machine it can perfect the internal alignment of the muscles and bones to reduce the pressure and stretching on the circulatory system and vital organs to sustain human life by up to ten to twenty or more calendar years...
Detail from Larry Keith Reed's patent application "Sustaining and Prolonging Life Without Dying, Death, Torture, Reincarnation, or Being Reborn in the Flesh."
FIG. 1 shows several views where the licensed physician or practitioner can place their hands and soft cloth... Once the physician has determined the area to be realigned he or she will gently slide over the patient's outer skin with the soft cloth while following the direction of the wrinkles of the cloth while it twirls and unwinds undemeath the physicians fingertips and hands. Note: The natural swirl and rotation of the cloth and the movements underneath the hands has always reminded me of unwinding an over wound spring within a clock or unraveling a wound up towel. It also has always reminded me of trying to rearrange the colors to match one another within the colorful ball and block like puzzle made by, 'MatteI Toys,' known as, 'the Rubik Cube,' or, 'Rubik Ball'...
Important Note: Please remember I have never killed or caused the physical death of any person or human being with my medical invention. Furthermore, I have never completely physically died during my research and development. However, I have researched and personally suffered most of the physical symptoms that cause most people to physically die. And, I am certain my theory and hypothesis is correct.
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This article is republished with permission from the May-June 2013 of the Annals of Improbable Research. You can purchase back issues of the magazine or subscribe to receive future issues, in printed or in ebook form. Or get a subscription for someone as a gift! Visit their website for more research that makes people LAUGH and then THINK.