The English Department at San Jose State University sponsors the annual Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest for the opening sentence to "the worst of all possible novels." The competition is named for author Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, a popular producer of purple prose. The 2012 winners have been announced. Cathy Bryant of Manchester, England won the top prize for this entry:
As he told her that he loved her she gazed into his eyes, wondering, as she noted the infestation of eyelash mites, the tiny deodicids burrowing into his follicles to eat the greasy sebum therein, each female laying up to 25 eggs in a single follicle, causing inflammation, whether the eyes are truly the windows of the soul; and, if so, his soul needed regrouting.
Winners in subcategories such as crime and children's literature and other dishonorable mentions, can be found at the contest site. Link -via The Guardian
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Really...
I know this sounds like a joke, but I am serious. The perfect way to test if a dangerous animal is real is to shoot it a couple of times.
Oh America, how your brains are now the size of walnuts! (except mine, mine is the size of a peach pit XP)
people give c**p to the cops all the time...but if you need help you're still gonna dial 911.