It's May, 2011 in sunny Santa Clarita, California. A gentle breeze is rolling in from the sea, adding a nice cool to the air on your face. It'd be a wonderful day to go down to the beach, or a hike in the mountains. You'd might consider doing either, but you're surrounded by a horde of the undead while inside the NeatoShop warehouse.
The fall of civilization came surprisingly quickly, as most people simply refused to divert their attention from petty concerns while the infection spread. You, too, were distracted by silly things, like the newest Rebecca Black video and Charlie Sheen's astonishing career comeback.
Now it's too late to make serious preparations. You'll just have to improvise from materials in your current location -- the warehouse serving the NeatoShop retailing empire.
What will you do? You came without so much as a rock in your pocket and now must survive using only the contents of the warehouse.
This is a contest. Look through the contents of the 'Shop and devise materials that you'll need to survive -- improvised weapons, water filters, medical equipment, cook stoves -- anything that you'll need to see through the end of this dark chapter in human history.
Leave the description your improvised survival tool in the comments. The most inventive/funniest/silliest will win your choice of any item under $25 from the NeatoShop, and several runners-up will win a t-shirt of their choice!
When you enter the description of your survival implement(s), be sure to also provide the name of the item that you want if you win. Please make sure that you provide a selection or your entry will not be considered.
(Original image credit: Flickr user theogeo)
Comments (19)
1. Critical Hit: LED Flashing D20 Die - for the moments when in a group setting and volunteers are not forthcoming for chores like carnage cleanup.
2. Credit card survival tool - because all-in-one tools always come in handy
3. Zombie mints - essential when meeting new people, especially if re-populating the world is needed
Totem Salt and Pepper Shaker - oOps, impulse buy ;-D
If I win: I would like the Remote Control Zombie
And I'll be keeping a container of the Resident Evil Outbreak Mints in my back pocket, just in case some other unfortunet humans happen to find their way to my lonely outpost and we need to work on repopulating the earth afterwards.
If i win I want a deck of the silver playing cards.
More details:
1. Use the Micro-Max 19-in-1 to unscrew (always have the Micro-Max with you as it is the most handy tool) 2. Use cable from Audio Bone 1.0 Headphones to tie Shredsor blade to umbrella.
Additional tools:
I would keep several Fart Extinguishers with me and use them as flame throwers to burn those zombies up.
Bucky balls are also a good idea to have around as a trap to make the zombie lose their balance before you slice them up. Other LED lights, products with torches could serves as a distraction to the zombie or to mislead them!
Warning:
Please only use the Shredsorblade in the event of a zombie attack as it is too deadly. Hope we survive.
If I win!!! I would like the Harry Potter Sorting Hat! If I get runner-up, I would like a Protected by Ninja Kitty shirt, Mens, Medium.
To battle such zombies one only need to obey the herd instincts, do not attempt to reason or observe keenly anything that goes on. Grab a bag of potato chips, slink down in your couch and watch SpikeTV. That will fool them, but if that doesn't work ordering any one of the many useless gadgets Neatorama has to offer will send a strong message that you are not a rational creature.
On that note. I would like to assert my irrationality by adorning myself in a "I'm not a schizophrenic..." shirt or by disarraying a 3D Brain Anatomy model.
'Tis a pity everyone is not as perfect as you.
The gross thing is that you're allowed to post here.
It could be argued that we have broken all sense of natural selection with modern science & technology.
@ Kate:
The article did say the new child was normal in all respects.
Yes this child is normal but her first child also suffers the same condition as her.
If she felt she had to have kids regardless of her disabilities, that's great - but why not adopt? Nah.... that's okay if two more kids in this world grow up without loving homes, if they're lucky enough to grow up at all.
Why don't you adopt them then, Jennifer?
Bunch of hateful people posting in here, or what?
Her other child was born with the SAME problem as the mother read the full article and they are planning on having another child
Just because she has health issues, doesn't mean she can't love her children.
And I'm sure adopting a child is no where near having one of your own. It's an alternative...not the only option. If you can have kids...go for it!
Some people should really be stopped from having kids when they're so selfcentered that they can only think of their own need to have children and have no eye for the future happiness of their children.
But you know, it's really sad when people who have no disabilities or birth defects make comments about how the people who do have disabilities don't have the right to be happy with their lives and/or reproduce. Obviously, given that this woman is a full grown adult and is having children of her own, she doesn't see her life as being all that bad, regardless of living with her disabilities. So who are you to say that she doesn't have the right to enjoy all the things in life that you can? And who is to say that those children aren't going to enjoy their lives as well?
I commend this lady for not letting ignorant people get her down or keep her from doing living her life and doing what makes her happy. As long as she loves and cares for those children, that's all that should matter.
Guess what? I did! Best thing I've ever done.
@ priscilla
I never suggested she couldn't love her own kids. Just that she isn't able to open herself up enough to love those who really need it.
I'm sorry you don't consider parents who adopt as being equal to those who have their own. But I've always seen the ability to open your heart and home to a child in need as a greater thing than having your own. Only the strongest can take that journey and suffer the heartbreaks and setbacks that often occur. If you truly want to make the world a better place, start with the kids who need families.
Are you 28 1/2 inches tall? If this woman went to adopt kids, she would be turned down by people with the same narrow-minded and judgmental opinions that you've shown here.
Just thinking of what she's gone through just to have kids shows how strong this woman is. Oh, I forgot, you risked getting Carpal Tunnel Syndrome from all that paper-signing when you adopted.
What a hateful attitude. Millions of parents who have adopted would beg to differ with you.