by Richard Lederer
The Comedian of the Keyboard, also known as The Unmelancholy Dane, exited the earthly stage December 23rd, 2000. Victor Borge, the irrepressible musical humorist, didn’t quite make it into the true third millennium, but he lived almost 92 very full years and performed more than a 100 nights a year right up until the spotlight winked out.
Borge left the world a triple legacy. Born in Copenhagen to a family of musicians, Borge became a fine pianist and conductor. Too, he was that rare comedian who never used foul language and never made fun of anyone. "The smile is the shortest distance between two people," he observed. Most astonishingly, he became a genius in his second language -- English, which he learned by spending day after day in movie theaters.
Many years ago, Victor Borge created the game of inflationary language. Since prices keep going up, he reasoned, why shouldn't language go up too? In English, there are words that contain the sounds of numbers, such as "wonder" (one), "before" (four) and "decorate" (eight). If we inflate each sound by one number, we come up with a string of puns -- "twoder," "befive" and "decornine."
Here is a story based on Borge's idea. This tale invites you to read and hear inflationary language in all its inflated wonder -- oops, make that "twoder" and to remember the linguistically pyrotechnic genius of The Clown Prince of Denmark.
Twice upon a time there lived a boy named Jack in the twoderful land of Califivenia. Two day Jack, a double-minded lad, decided three go fifth three seek his fivetune.
After making sure that Jack nine a sandwich and drank some Eight-Up, his mother elevenderly said, "Threedeloo, threedeloo. Try three be back by next Threesday." Then she cheered, "Three, five, seven, nine. Who do we apprecinine? Jack, Jack, yay!"
Jack set fifth and soon met a man wearing a four-piece suit and a threepee. Fifthrightly Jack asked the man, "I'm a Califivenian. Are you two three?"
"Cerelevenly," replied the man, offiving the high six. "Anytwo five elevennis?"
"Not threeday," answered Jack inelevently. "But can you help me three locnine my fivetune?"
"Sure," said the man. "Let me sell you these twoderful beans."
Jack's inthreeition told him that the man was a three-faced triple-crosser. Elevensely Jack shouted, "I'm not behind the nine ball. I'm a college gradunine, and I know what rights our fivefathers crenined in the Constithreetion. Now let's get down three baseven about these beans."
The man tripled over with laughter. "Now hold on a third," he responded. "There's no need three make such a three-do about these beans. If you twot, I'll give them three you."
Well, there's no need three elabornine on the rest of the tale. Jack oned in on the giant and two the battle for the golden eggs. His mother and he lived happily fivever after -- and so on, and so on, and so fifth.
Visit their website for more research that makes people LAUGH and then THINK.
The Comedian of the Keyboard, also known as The Unmelancholy Dane, exited the earthly stage December 23rd, 2000. Victor Borge, the irrepressible musical humorist, didn’t quite make it into the true third millennium, but he lived almost 92 very full years and performed more than a 100 nights a year right up until the spotlight winked out.
Borge left the world a triple legacy. Born in Copenhagen to a family of musicians, Borge became a fine pianist and conductor. Too, he was that rare comedian who never used foul language and never made fun of anyone. "The smile is the shortest distance between two people," he observed. Most astonishingly, he became a genius in his second language -- English, which he learned by spending day after day in movie theaters.
Many years ago, Victor Borge created the game of inflationary language. Since prices keep going up, he reasoned, why shouldn't language go up too? In English, there are words that contain the sounds of numbers, such as "wonder" (one), "before" (four) and "decorate" (eight). If we inflate each sound by one number, we come up with a string of puns -- "twoder," "befive" and "decornine."
Here is a story based on Borge's idea. This tale invites you to read and hear inflationary language in all its inflated wonder -- oops, make that "twoder" and to remember the linguistically pyrotechnic genius of The Clown Prince of Denmark.
JACK AND THE TWODERFUL BEANS
Twice upon a time there lived a boy named Jack in the twoderful land of Califivenia. Two day Jack, a double-minded lad, decided three go fifth three seek his fivetune.
After making sure that Jack nine a sandwich and drank some Eight-Up, his mother elevenderly said, "Threedeloo, threedeloo. Try three be back by next Threesday." Then she cheered, "Three, five, seven, nine. Who do we apprecinine? Jack, Jack, yay!"
Jack set fifth and soon met a man wearing a four-piece suit and a threepee. Fifthrightly Jack asked the man, "I'm a Califivenian. Are you two three?"
"Cerelevenly," replied the man, offiving the high six. "Anytwo five elevennis?"
"Not threeday," answered Jack inelevently. "But can you help me three locnine my fivetune?"
"Sure," said the man. "Let me sell you these twoderful beans."
Jack's inthreeition told him that the man was a three-faced triple-crosser. Elevensely Jack shouted, "I'm not behind the nine ball. I'm a college gradunine, and I know what rights our fivefathers crenined in the Constithreetion. Now let's get down three baseven about these beans."
The man tripled over with laughter. "Now hold on a third," he responded. "There's no need three make such a three-do about these beans. If you twot, I'll give them three you."
Well, there's no need three elabornine on the rest of the tale. Jack oned in on the giant and two the battle for the golden eggs. His mother and he lived happily fivever after -- and so on, and so on, and so fifth.
© Copyright 2000 Annals of Improbable Research (AIR)
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This article is republished with permission from the Jan-Feb 2001 issue of the Annals of Improbable Research. You can download or purchase back issues of the magazine, or subscribe to receive future issues. Or get a subscription for someone as a gift!Visit their website for more research that makes people LAUGH and then THINK.
Comments (9)
bruce lee's yellow jumpsuit from this movie has been referanced in films like kill bill and shaolin soccer. of course, you could probably go on all day noting things that have referances to this movie or bruce lee.
kareem abdul-jabbar is badass in this film. so friggin' huge next to bruce lee.
I don't know if this was an error on the writer's part, or whether Bruce Lee really said it. If the latter, he was most likely borrowing (knowingly or unknowingly) from Ben Franklin, who was famous for this quotation (albeit expressed in language that's two and a half centuries old)
At http://www.bartleby.com/100/245.html
a page listing some entries from the famous Bartlett's Familiar Quotations, you can read:
"Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that is the stuff life is made of.
Maxims prefixed to Poor Richard’s Almanac, 1757."
Sometime movie directors make secret deals with their stars and other movie studio to simply fake their death. The movie director will never work again but he's already filty rich so he dont really care.
Take a special note of the film personnel who worked for one studio before the sudden death of an actor or actress and who they work for after.
Hollywood is the jungle of Capitalism.
Anyways this is a nice remembrance of a truly great icon and entertainer, RIP Bruce.