I Write Like

i like big birds, and I cannot lie....

Sadly, after fantastic results in testing, the ACME Duck Airbag Deployment Device was a catastrophic failure on the market.

I'll be out in a minuite mom i got one hung!

Note to self, 'No more basketballs for lunch'

That's no moon...

I'll show those ostriches who can lay the biggest egg!

You know, real coots have curves :D

Harold wasn't fond of bowling.

And here we have the elusive Brunswick Blackbird

Whaddya mean, coffee is a diuretic?

Oh Tyrone...You silly fat C**t

There's a head coming out of my arse...

come on, big fart!

*BUUR&*^*&^** swollod the burp :(

and here we see the wild COCO PUFF

I'm bloated, my feet are wet and swollen and I have bird poop on my forehead... can this day get any worse??

So Morgan Freeman blackballed me from this penguin flick...Said I couldn't march.

I gotta go poopies!

I"m not fat I'm Big Boned.
or
I can't believe I ate the whole thing.

Do these feathers make my butt look big?

Harold was less than pleased when his spreading, pale patch earned him the nickname 'Jacko'.

Hhnnnnnnnggggghhhhh

I didn't say I was a turkey...I said I ate too much turkey!

can haz moldy bread?

Hi... I'm Chubba!

And I'm fat....
My Mama's fat,
My Papa's fat,
Even my pet flea is fat.

One day, Mama said...
Chubba, can you smile under all that blubba?
I said...why sure Moma!

I *told* you not to eat the blueberry gum!

This is why feeding birds alka seltzers is a bad idea.

xD

no, for real. they explode. O_o

"I am the Round Mound of Bird Down".

It wasn't that Francine didn't want to go bottom-feeding with the rest of the girls. She would have done anything to kick her partially webbed toes in the air while struggling to nip weeds from the slime-covered bottom of St. James' Park's lagoon. Her hideously inflated digestive tract was the issue. But little did Francine know that her rather embarassing intestinal gas problem was soon to become a potentially deadly affliction; it was the 3rd annual "Let Your Dogs Run Wild in the Park" day, and a sturdy bull mastiff had just taken a shine to the poor coot's arousingly swollen hindquarters.

Is my reflection deceptive, or have I gained weight?

"Sure I was BIG enough, but they didn't think I was 'yellow' enough for the role."

Concentratz and aks agin.

Tell me honestly, does this make me look fat?

Dang! This happens EVERY time it's a little humid out!

A hush descended on the crowd at Cape Canaveral as the first natural-gas, jet-powered flight was about to commence.

I wonder if they'll know it's a hair piece...

I can't believe I ate the whole thing.

"Someone get me some prune juice."

FRAN! FRAN THE WATER HEATER BLEW AGAIN!

Yea Yea, I know....why don't you try sitting around watching Oprah and eating bonbons all day and see what it does to you !

.............and National Geographic photographer "Bud" Johnson paused for a moment.... fondly remembering his adorable yet chubby wife waiting for him back home 5,000 miles away ....

Despite his large size, Blackie the Coot was confident in his life knowing that his trophy coot wife would screw his brains out later that evening.

He can't walk on water.
That proves it, Jesus was not a fat coot.

Viagra gone wrong

Thinking no one would object to another crazy coot in his cabinet, President Bush today introduced his choice to replace his outgoing antiterrorism advisor.

Missing: Wilson, Tom Hanks lovable co-star in 2000's 'Castaway'. Last seen floating somewhere in the sea.

Atkins Schmatkins

And we now present you with conclusive proof, coconuts are indeed migratory.

When the coot can't poot... try Exlax.

"Ten Minutes to Wapner."

"Have to get to K-Mart. 400 Oak Street. The sign said 'Don't Walk'. Have to get to K-Mart."

Would anyone give a hoot if someone placed their foot in a steel toed boot to swiftly kick this root eating, soot colored, coot for a lot of loot?

"Right now, a bucket of Midol would be REALLY nice."

In an effort to curb the global greenhouse effect, Al Gore convinced this coot to never again toot.

"Hey, I'm not fat! I'm just extremely fluffy."

"Flying is SO overrated. This year I'm going to roll south for the winter."

"To answer your stupid question: Yes, I am allergic to bee stings."

Iraqi terrorists have a new weapon of mass destruction. It's a bird that emits numerous dirty bombs onto freshly washed cars.

Please be gentle.

Oh God....I just absorb it right through my feet!

"Ladies and gentlemen, we here at the San Diego zoo have an important announcement for you, the press, on this sunny afternoon. Our captive breeding program, already a success with the Giant Pandas you know and love, have cross-bread a common coot, native to South America, with Star Jones. They will be hosting a new series on WTV later this year. We will take questions at this time"

Reply iz hazy, trys again
if still not wrkin
hitz wiz fishstiks

Calvin the Coot learns an important lesson: "...and I promise myself that I'll never again take a dare to eat a live blowfish."

Calvin the Coot meets Blimpy the Blowfish.

Cute coot, nice suit!
Awwww - bad snoot, clogged shute?

NO, I haznt seed ur bukkit.
(hehe)

Kwaneese, gurl, lets me tell you bout dese new shoes I done picked up at tha Wal-Mart. Gurl. You know I hads to go up in there and get me a new dress to wear to Shondricack's momma's cousin's baby shower. Anyway. I had just got up on one of them ride-along carts - you know, cause I gots the elephant diseases - when I turn around there was these just FLY black and white sandals. I just threw them up on my buggy and paid for it with my food stamps. What color you think I need to paint my toenails?

Inturnul bukkit R advantij

next tiem werz teh swim dapurs

I finded u som popkorns
but I eaded it.

"Yeah, I'm fat. So what? That's just how I roll."

Coot: 1
Oil Spill: 0

dude this is nice i never seen nothing like it ... i looks like a duck animal thing .

but then again

it looks like a ball .