Do you see the sign in the upper right-hand corner? Photo: lonecellotheory [Flickr]
My brother sent me this little gem, which apparently has been making its round on the web for the past few months:
BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!
JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.......
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...
ANDERSON COOPER - CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road,
But why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain. Alone.
JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth?' That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side. That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken.. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C% ........reboot.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken! What is your definition of chicken?
AL GORE: I invented the chicken!
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one? Where did that sucker go?
DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens a colorless white? We need some black chickens.
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If you know the author(s), please let us know - Thanks Steve!
Now, what would you add to that?
* KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.
* PLATO: For the greater good.
* ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
* KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.
* TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that’s the only trip the establishment would let it take.
* SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
* JACK NICHOLSON: ’cause it f___ing wanted to. That’s the f___ing reason.
* RONALD REAGAN: I forget.
* CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
* HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.
* ANDERSEN CONSULTANT: Deregulation of the chicken’s side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken’s people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Anderson consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken’s mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.
* LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you see, represents the black man. The chicken ‘crossed’ the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.
* MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives being called into question.
* MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
* FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?
* RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.
* MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
* JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn’t anyone ever think to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?"
* FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
* BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.
* BILL CLINTON: I’m going to say something important. And I’ll say it again to make sure you understand. I did not have sexual relations with that chicken. I did not.
* GEORGE W. BUSH (2): We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.
* OLIVER STONE: The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"
* DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.
* EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
* BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.
* RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road .. it transcended it.
* ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.
* NEW SOUTH AFRICAN POLITICIAN: It is the Apartheid regime which made the chicken cross the road when the chicken did not want to cross the road, the chicken is oppressed and the only way to free the chicken is for the whites to pay restitution for oppressing the chicken and investigate police involvement in the death of chickens. It is racist to imply that chickens are involved in any crimes and corruption.
* OLD SOUTH AFRICAN POLITICIAN: It is our belief that chickens should be allowed to cross roads in their own areas with their own roads. If they wish to cross roads in other areas they must carry a pass and will be subject to arrest if they dont. We would like to state categorically that meddling in our affairs by any persons will not be tolerated and we will arrest and detain anybody for a period of 90 days without trail so that these allegations can be investigated.
* COSATU: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking, South African.
* RAY MACAULEY: Because the chicken was gay! Isn’t it obvious? Can’t you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That’s what "they" call it, "the other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It’s as plain and simple as that.
* DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I’ve not been told!
* DR NELSON MANDELA: Never again, will the chicken be questioned for crossing the road. This is an ideal for which I am prepared to die.
* GRANDPA SIMPSON: In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
* BISHOP TUTU: We need a society where people will learn to forgive all the chickens that crossed the road. However, forgiveness will be granted to chickens that convince the nation that their reasons for crossing the road were politically motivated
* PAN AFRICAN CONGRESS: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.
* ROBERT MUGABE: For all of these years the road has been owned by the white farmers, the poor underpriveleged chicken has waited too long for that road to be given to him and now he is crossing it in force with his fellow war veteran chickens. We intend taking over this road and giving it to the roadless chickens so that they can cross it without fear of retribution from Britain who promised money to institute road reform. We will not stop until all roadless chickens have roads to cross and the freedom to cross them. We will also return to the Socialist ideal of a road so that all chickens who live in our country can benefit from the grand ideals which I have decided upon.
* ISAAC NEWTON: Any chicken in the universe shall always cross a road perpendicularly to the side of the road, and in an infinitely long straight line at uniform speed, unless the chicken stops due to an unbalanced reactive force in the opposite direction of the chicken’s motion
* HEISENBERG: No one will ever know for sure whether he actually got to the other side
* SNOOPY: It was a dark, stormy night. Somewhere in the rain, a chicken crossed a road
* JULIE ANDREWS: Chick, a cheer, a female cheer …
* MOHAMMED ALDOURI (Iraq Ambassador): The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication. We don’t even have a chicken.
Jerry Springer: what we have here is, the chicken was running away from an abusive wife who is also the chicken's sister that apperently cheated on him with his own brother while high on Meth.
Rick James: cus he's rich b!#$h !
Aerosmith: Cuz he walked that way!
Sarah Palin: to keep the Russians on check. Pew Pew